I’ve noticed that something very strange keeps happening over and over. Some things I just can’t seem to bring myself to buy, even if there is a HUGE benefit. I feel a sort of hesitance on buying them, and I’m not sure why.

For example, I just finished buying an FiTech EFI kit for my camper van. I have been humming and hawing about buying one of these kits for literally years. It worked out to just under $2000 Canadian. That obviously is a lot, but the benefit of having this kit should easily outweigh the cost. This van, obviously, has a carburetor, and like all mechanical things, carburetors need maintence. Maintenence isn’t typically that much of an issue, considering that the most you really need to do is just run the thing and drive it a bit every now and then. But, the thing is, kids and life get in the way, time passes, fuel evaporates, and gunk builds up in passages… now you’ve got choke problems, starting problems, etc. You head out to the van to take it out for a weekend…but oh wait… need to fix x or y. What I’ve noticed after starting a family is that time itself is the most precious thing. There is just simply not enough of it to go around. Do I know how to clean a carb? Absolutely. It will take a few hours. Get it out of the car, take it apart, clean it, put it back together. When will you do that? After work? before or after dinner? Kids go to bed after dinner… but they want an extra story, they drag on brushing their teeth, etc etc. Next thing you know, it’s 9pm. Work starts at 6am. Are you pulling an all nighter to clean the carb? NO

But still an interesting thing happens. I know that solving the carb problem will make my life easier. I know that it will make things more efficient. But part of me just cringes at the thought of spending $2k when I don’t have to. Maybe it’s a pride thing. I feel like I’m admiting defeat. I need to upgrade this because maybe I don’t actually know how to fix anything. Is that my ego talking? Why is it so easily bruised by things like this? Part of the cope that I always have when I’m sitting at a checkout looking at an item like this is that “oh well this is an egregious amount of money… no way I can spend that much.” But I will have no problem spending $100 a month on beers, or pizza, or whatever else. So is the money really important? I mean, in a way it is. It’s a large sum, no doubt about it, but given the benefit to my life is significantly more than a few pizzas, why do I feel so horrible about buying it?

Maybe the reality is that I just need to let go. The reality is that time is precious right now. I’m terrifed of losing the time with my kids while they are young. Everything moves by in such a blur. I don’t want to spend it sitting alone in a garage cursing a shitty paper gasket for ripping…